It gives me great pleasure to announce my new company! My cofounders and I have yet to agree on a name but our service is like Uber for cloud-based, real-life personal interactions.
For a small monthly fee (TBD) our service will dispatch one of our Emotion Liaisons to anyone on your contact list and give them a hug or kick them in the groin area, depending on your preference.
Our Emotion Liaisons can also deliver enhanced services such as yelling “Yo asshole!” and/or hitting your contact in the face with a role of quarters. These enhanced services will be priced accordingly.
Our transformative new platform is at the cutting edge of current internet technology and we are excited to be at the forefront of this exciting new space.
Despite no revenue, no name and an app that we made in six hours on my 16 year old nephew’s Surface 2 tablet computer we are also announcing today that we have secured $1.4 billion in funding valuing our business at just north of are you fucking kidding me. Our initial investors include a “who’s who” of the VC world, including the folks who backed Color and the concierge at the Palo Alto Four Seasons.
Thanks to our family and friends who supported us and tolerated us for all of last weekend when we were unavailable because we were building the future.
Disappointed that JetBlue still doesn’t have electrical outlets in their seats. But I guess I should have known that.
Also, is it wrong of me to be floating two feet above the ground and grinning non-stop ever since I heard the news about Eric Cantor? Cause if it is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
You’re assuming the democrat beats the tea party guy. That might not happen, so you could end up with worse. The devil you know…?